Bribes vs. Rewards

At my presentation at the Suzuki Association of Utah Convention recently I described the difference between bribes and rewards. I realize that I made a post earlier where I mentioned that I bribed my daughter to practice. I've started to take a new approach:

BRIBE: Something offered to a person to influence that person’s conduct.

For example: if your child is acting up during a practice session and you tell him that if he finishes the practice he can have a prize. You are offering him a prize after he had bad to good behavior. Perhaps the next time he wants a prize he will remember that he had to act up before you consented to give him a prize for being good.

REWARD: Something given in recompense for worthy behavior. For example: before you even start a practice session tell your child that he will get a prize after a good practice. He knows he can't act up or he won't get the prize. In the future, he will know that if he wants a prize he will have to have good behavior.

Bribe: If you practice I will give you _____________.

Reward: When you practice you will earn ______________.

Bribe: If you have a happy practice I will give you _______.

Reward: After your happy practice you can have _______.

Bribe: If you practice every day this week I will give you ______.

Reward: After you practice every day this week you will earn_______.

Start thinking about how you are addressing this issue with your children. I know I have caught myself wanting to say "if you..." but practicing (and other hard things for children, such as chores) goes so much more smoother if I offer rewards instead of bribes.

Twinkle Flashcards

For a twinkler, flashcards are very versatile.

I start teaching the young twinklers to recognize a twinkle rhythm. As soon as they master this we do it to break up practice sessions. There's something fun about flashcards for a 4-year-old.

The twinkle flashcards are also a good way to decide what to play next during practicing. My 4-year-old has learned all variations of twinkle and we have to play them all every day. However, she HATES when I tell her what to do, so she chooses a flashcard and plays that particular twinkle.


Other flashcards that I use to break up practicing or lessons are note value cards (quarter note, half note, eight note, quarter rest, etc.)

I'm also starting note flashcards with my early twinklers and they are really picking it up. I start with the open strings, then the A string notes, E string notes, etc.

I don't do flashcards every day, but it is a great excuse for a child to put her violin down and have a little break - but still be learning.

You can download these twinkle rhythm flashcards here at The Practice Shoppe.

Practicitis

One of my favorite articles in the SAA is "The Official Medical Guide to Practicitis." My daughter has had a bad case of practicitis this week. She particularly has a problem with Physical Avoidance Syndrome. "The major sign is a request to use the bathroom." EVERY practice, EVERY lesson! Another sign of her practicitis is Acute Spontaneous Juvenile Pain Syndrome. "Symptoms range from something like toe aches and headaches to whole limbs being sore and unable to move." It doesn't matter what it is - it's magnified 100 times when practicing. She also seemed to have a certain amount of sadness or fatigue whenever she had to perform. However, as soon as she was off the stage - she was all smiles again. One way I got over this little problem was a bit of bribery. "If you play your violin happily at the concert tonight you can have some ice cream after!" "Okay!!!" At our last concert, she was all smiles - too much. She was giggling, waving to me and my parents (10 times), and whispering to the girl next to her the whole time! Well, I suppose it was more amusing for concertgoers to see this side of her personality than the crying/tired side. It's all part of the journey...